Jan 13, 2004
Sign Language | contest No. 4
© copyright 2004, Archer Pelican*
Today the Archer Pelican is feeling the need for acerbic wit. So, for this week's contest I invite you to create your own biting signage for people to read and heed -- on the road, in public places, or even in their own offices.
Well, Tom and Ray want signs that say "No talking on cell phones while driving." A perfume-offended chef once posted a curbside sign that declared "No Giorgio permitted in this restaurant." And my favorite mean cartoonist John Callahan has a cartoon of a smiling man and a scowling woman sitting at a cafe underneath a sign that reads "Thank you for not talking about your relationship."
Is there no end to the possibilities? I (for one) would like MS Word, Outlook, and (Lord help us) AOL's mail program to generate a talking popup that says "PLEASE STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS. CRIMINY, DO YOU NOT KNOW ANYTHING?" at every appropriate opportunity.
This contest is open through midnight January 20, when someone grumpy but good humored will pick two winners -- one in the "mean, but we're still laughing" category, and one in the "not mean, but we're still laughing" category. Entries will be judged for potential value to society, and the always scientific "made me go Hyar!" index.
Prizes? Of course there will be prizes. Like what? Perhaps like these recent prizes for Contests 2 and 3. I haven't delivered them yet, but aren't they cool little antiques? The NC State Capitol card at top right has a postmark 99 years old. Congratulations to Scott, Tori, David, and Scolebert. Thank you for playing.
To enter: click on the "comments" link at the bottom-right of this weblog. You don't need to provide your email (which will be public) but if I don't already know you, please check back on January 21 to see if you've won, in which case you should email me to claim your prize!
*You think I'm not being serious? Hey, I know at least two law students who already think of me as a charity case. Don't push your luck :-)
Dec 18, 2003
Mix and Match Marketplace | contest no. 3
Today, ripped from the headlines of the Washington Post Style Invitational, our very first word-contest. Take the names of any two (or more) existing corporations, and mix any parts to create a new company that can give you just what you’d love to give to a best friend (or worst enemy). Some examples:
Jiffy Lube and Jif Peanut Butter --> Jif Lube. Where the J-team fills your crankcase with creamy or chunky in 30 minutes or less, or your money back. (20-point goober check free with every visit, but they won't clean your H&N air filter unless you give them a jar of grape jelly.)
J. Peterman Company and The Durham Public Library --> The Durham Peterman Library, where you can borrow items like a Shanghai Dynasty Caftan, an Oiled Canvas Field Jacket, or even a pair of Stealth Driving Gloves for up to three weeks (limit 24 articles), with one swipe of your library card.
The only rule is that your building blocks should be corporate names that already exist and that someone reading this weblog might actually know.
Submit as many entries as you like via the comments link, below. An unbiased and unnamed celebrity panel will pick two winners on December 23, one each in the “national corporations” and “local-to-the-Triangle” categories.
What kinds of prizes can you expect? Well let’s just say that the winner of the “Can you name this photo?” Contest No. 2 received home-delivery of 45 generic Claritin in a Wyler’s chicken consommé jar. That’s nothing to sneeze at. *
A big shout out to my friends at Fistful of Plooble and Rebecky.com, with thanks for their kind referrals to The Archer Pelican. DBT and Rebecky are standard-setters, and the only shame is that they don’t post three times a day, especially since I check for updates at least twice that often.