Mar 01, 2009
Perfect Mean Snowballs But No One To Throw Them At
There's perfect mean snowball snow outside right now -- a quarter-inch of grainy moist stuff that packs into a juicy ball. I whipped one at my car and it bounced off the windshield and into the woods, but not before making a nice "bomp!" sound* and kicking up a spray of white.
According to someone who likes Watterson* poetry enough to transcribe it, Calvin also likes this stuff:
Oh lovely snowball, packed with care,
smack a head that's unaware!
Then with freezing ice to spare,
melt and soak through underwear!
Fly straight and true, hit hard and square!
This, oh snowball, is my prayer.
Calvin speaks this, before throwing his snowball. His comment: "I only throw consecrated snowballs".
While searching for a snowball illustration I also ran into this primate with a mean looking wad (and a Shel Silverstein poem). Said primate then reminded me of this article:
"Bob, who’s owned wild animals all his life, admits Higgins has not always been a model pet. When Higgins was 3, he slept with the couple, often awakening Bob in the morning by climbing to the bedroom rafters and dropping onto Bob’s stomach. On one occasion, they got in a wrestling match, and Higgins put one of his “steel-like fingernails” through Bob’s scrotum.
...Bob has been bitten several times by Higgins, who now weighs 50 pounds and has large incisors. Once, when Bob was leading him from an outdoor enclosure back to his cage in the house, Higgins exploded and the two got into a battle so ferocious that despite the steel mesh glove Bob was wearing, he screamed for Carlie to get his .22 rifle and put a bullet in Higgins’s head. She got Higgins a slice of raisin bread instead, quickly defusing the fight. But Bob accepts it: a wild animal will never be domesticated, he says. Higgins now lives in a heated building on the property, which includes a 9-by-12-foot cage and a 30-by-12-foot outdoor exercise area with an 8-foot ceiling. One must pass through two locked doors to get inside Higgins’s cage. Even Bob doesn’t get in the cage with Higgins much anymore."
Holy f***. If Durham wants to add monkeys to the hen provision, I'm lobbying NO.
*two of those and I'd have the intro to Law & Order.
**as in Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin & Hobbes. Not to be confused with Sam Waterston who sometimes stars in Law & Order.
I used to think monkeys were cute until I read that Dean Koontz novel where the lab monkeys got loose and terrorized a coastal town. I think it was one in his Christopher Snow series, but don't quote me on it.
In other words, if anyone asks for monkeys in town, I'm pitching a hissy. lol
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