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Dec 06, 2006

Who Does That Guy Think He is, Jack Nicklaus?*

You scored as Jesus Christ. You are Jesus Christ!  You are the Son of the One and Only God!  The holiest of holies, which does make you a big sloppy pussy unfortunately.  Although many people will devote their lives to researching yours and artifacts surrounding it, you have a higher chance of people trying to find the blanket thrown over you after death then attempting to find some of your finer carpentry products. Unfortunately, the cranked up tales written by a bunch of junked up zealots in the middle of the desert will give you the status of a Divine prophet and/or saviour, and your craftmanship in life will be altogether overlooked.  You will die on the same material you lived by (I.E. your trade).


Dante Alighieri


Hugh Hefner


Jesus Christ


O.J. Simpson


Mother Teresa


C.G. Jung


Stephen Hawking


Friedrich Nietzsche


Adolf Hitler


Sigmund Freud


Elvis Presley


Charles Manson


Steven Morrissey


Miyamoto Musashi


What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Shout out to Celeste for this one.  (See you at church on Sunday, Celeste <grin>)

FYI, I had to answer a "tie-breaker" question with three choices.  The other two near-outcomes were Hugh Hefner and Dante Alighieri.  And this makes perfect sense to me.


*I just remembered that not everyone will recognize this blog's title/punchline, so here's the whole joke, as told by my friend Dominic back ~6th grade.

One afternoon Jesus is playing golf with Moses as his caddy.  All is fine until they come to the twelfth hole -- a long par four with a water hazard that would require most amateurs to lay up on the near side of the water before shooting for the green.  But for some reason, Jesus is feeling the power and says to Moses,  "You know what, I'm going to be just like Jack Nicklaus and send it over the lake straight off the tee."

So he goes for it. 

Crack!  whishhhh.... Splunk.

Straight into the water. 

"Dang," says Christ.  "Moses, go get that ball, wouldja?"

So off Moses goes, trudging into the water and digging for the ball.  Soon enough he finds it and brings it back to the tee for Christ's second shot.

"Sorry about that," says Christ, "but this time I'm really going to be like Jack Nicklaus and hit the ball over that lake."

And... once more:  Crack!   whishhhh.... Splunk.

"Not to be rude, sir," says Moses, "but would you mind maybe getting this one yourself?"

"Well, I guess you're right," says Christ.  And off he goes, walking across the water to get to his ball.

Meanwhile, another golfer shows up at the tee and is of course surprised at the sight of a man walking on water.

"Hey," he says to Moses, "who does that guy think he is, Jesus Christ?!"

"Naw," Moses replies, "he thinks he's Jack Nicklaus".

01:47 AM in Links of Note | Permalink


Hah! I'm totally jealous. Not only do you get to be Christ, but you have more Elvis in you. Not so sure about this Heffner business, though - perhaps I'd have to know you better. ;)

Posted by: Celeste Copeland | Dec 6, 2006 8:14:07 AM

Dante Alighieri

"According to you most of humanity will spend at least some of their afterlife in hell. You have a high likelihood of being exiled, but anyone as bloody fucking romantic as you deserves what they get. You have an exceptional moral code, overshadowed by the fact that you yourself cannot uphold it. Your existence bears a definite irony, although of fairly Christian morality, many pagans, satanists, communists, and intellectuals admire you and your works for all the wrong reasons. Also, the brighest star in your sky is never going to be your lover... It takes a lot of grief to be the cartographer of hell."

Posted by: Marianne | Dec 6, 2006 1:29:44 PM

Last night I had dinner with my friend Ellie whom I hadn't seen in a while. We were talking about life desires and I admitted that mine were sometimes in conflict -- in ways that this little computer-personality thing had clearly reflected.

Me: Basically, I want to be a Quaker monk with two girlfriends and a really awesome car.

Ellie: Hey, me too!

Obviously, we understand each other. What I don't quite understand, though, is why -- if she feels that way -- she's getting married next year. To a guy!

More specifically regarding the Christ/Hefner/Alighieri three-way tie, I think that one sums up in this variation of a role model: Jesus Christ, with multiple girlfriends, writing his own New Testament just so there aren't any questions.*



Posted by: Phil | Dec 6, 2006 8:07:16 PM

Bumper sticker I'd like to see on Phil's van: Honk if I'm Jesus!

Posted by: Stewpants | Dec 6, 2006 10:57:23 PM

I came out as Dante too. With Nietzsche in a close second. While I initially scoffed, the description was actually quite accurate.

Why do we, as web surfing sheep, love to have our entire existence summarized into a 1000 character string of text. There is something satisfying about it that is therefore unsettling.

It's kind of like drinking jager bombs. The Jager and RedBull are opposite forces that leave you in a really weird place.

Posted by: Adam Schultz | Dec 7, 2006 1:20:49 PM


I get a 4-way tie: Miyamoto Musashi, Stephen Hawking, Sigmund Freud, Friedrich Nietzsche, all at 67%. The tie-breaker came up Miyamoto Musashi: "You're considered a sword saint, whatever the fuck that is. You don't give two hoots what weapon or tact people come at you with, as your solution is a steady grip on a sharp blade and it tends to work. You're never going to be defeated in battle, but you are going to die of Cancer."

Well, OK then. Good to know!

Posted by: Fikri | Dec 7, 2006 1:42:06 PM