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Dec 18, 2003

Mix and Match Marketplace | contest no. 3


"It happened to Franklin and Jefferson.
It's happening to you."

Today, ripped from the headlines of the Washington Post Style Invitational, our very first word-contest. Take the names of any two (or more) existing corporations, and mix any parts to create a new company that can give you just what you’d love to give to a best friend (or worst enemy). Some examples:

Jiffy Lube and Jif Peanut Butter --> Jif Lube. Where the J-team fills your crankcase with creamy or chunky in 30 minutes or less, or your money back. (20-point goober check free with every visit, but they won't clean your H&N air filter unless you give them a jar of grape jelly.)

J. Peterman Company and The Durham Public Library --> The Durham Peterman Library, where you can borrow items like a Shanghai Dynasty Caftan, an Oiled Canvas Field Jacket, or even a pair of Stealth Driving Gloves for up to three weeks (limit 24 articles), with one swipe of your library card.

The only rule is that your building blocks should be corporate names that already exist and that someone reading this weblog might actually know.

Submit as many entries as you like via the comments link, below. An unbiased and unnamed celebrity panel will pick two winners on December 23, one each in the “national corporations” and “local-to-the-Triangle” categories.

What kinds of prizes can you expect? Well let’s just say that the winner of the “Can you name this photo?” Contest No. 2 received home-delivery of 45 generic Claritin in a Wyler’s chicken consommé jar. That’s nothing to sneeze at. *

A big shout out to my friends at Fistful of Plooble and Rebecky.com, with thanks for their kind referrals to The Archer Pelican. DBT and Rebecky are standard-setters, and the only shame is that they don’t post three times a day, especially since I check for updates at least twice that often.

09:00 PM in Contests! | Permalink


Goldman Sachs + Gold Toe Socks = Goldman Socks
Multicolored thread, advanced watermarking and holographic anti-counterfeiting features, combined with shredded Treasury bonds and interest rate swaps, all woven into fine hosiery for the discriminating and well-heeled consumer

Posted by: scolebert | Dec 19, 2003 1:46:10 PM

Onkyo + Boeing = Oingo Boingo
Bad '80s pop music takes flight!

Posted by: scolebert | Dec 19, 2003 1:46:51 PM

Hi folks --

Just to let you know that you don't need to leave your email address in the comment field unless you feel like it. If I already know you, your name will be plenty. And if you're a stranger, just email me at archerpelican1@yahoo.com to let me know who you are!

Tappy Phil

Posted by: Anonymous | Dec 19, 2003 1:53:18 PM

IBM + MoonPie + UHaul = I Moon U. Making insulting gestures to friend and foe alike, with agents fearlessly dropping their pants on behalf of the timid or overworked. Cash or charge only. Personal checks not accepted.

Posted by: Jonny Dangerously | Dec 19, 2003 2:08:47 PM

Microsoft + Starbucks --> SoftBucks. The ultimate full-service mega-corporation designed to completely devour Western civilization. The only problem with the storefront coffeehouses, they're awefully tricky to demolish.

Posted by: Gail | Dec 21, 2003 12:27:00 AM

Thee Doll House + Joe's Crab Shack= Thee Crab Shack.

Need I say more? Okay, okay--
A full service "destination." Meals and meds, while you wait. Discrete drive-through prescription pick-up window. Grab a burger or some clams while you're at it. Our motto at Thee Crab Shack: Better luck next time, but if not, come back and see us again!

Posted by: T.R. | Dec 21, 2003 9:02:54 PM

Well, the anonymous celebrity panel (just one person, actually, since I couldn't wrangle up but so many) has spoken. And, says she, "all are clever and delightful, including the one that arrived by snail mail after the deadline but postmarked before. The ones that gave the most hee-hee: Thee Crab House (local division) and Goldman Socks. Winners will receive antique postcards of their respective colleges, which Tappy Phil just happens to know. Thank you to all entrants, and I hope to see you all (and your friends!) in future contests.

Posted by: Phil | Dec 29, 2003 2:03:51 AM